St. Macarius of Optina: Seeing ourselves as bad or good

 You are distressed to find that whenever you now examine your conscience, you see yourself as bad; whereas formerly, when you were young, such examination showed you to be, on the whole, good rather than bad. What an extraordinary reason for distress!

It is infinitely better for us to see ourselves as bad than good. In the first case, we acquire humility, and find the door to forgiveness, the door to grace; in the second, we grow proud; and pride blocks the way to grace.

As to the real value of our deeds and actions, of that God alone is judge; He, who knows the most secret impulses of every human heart.

+St. Macarius of Optina, from Russian Letters of Direction, I Blessed are the Poor in Spirit; for Theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, 2. Self-Knowledge

Matthew the Poor: On Contrition

 One fact should shame us all. While we persist in sinning against God and in defying His rights and commandments, He still looks upon us with compassion without ever diminishing His love for us. How can we not feel contrite when pondering the great love of God who humbled Himself and even underwent contrition for us on the cross! And at whose hands? Was it not at the hands of mankind, of which you and I are members? The thought of the sufferings of the crucified God is enough to occasion contrition upon contrition.

Contrition cannot be grasped in a day or be taught from a book. It is life that flows between the soul and God. At first glance, it looks arduous, being a struggle against self-regard and a humiliation of one's pride. But after awhile, when the soul is cleansed from its false majesty and conceit, the life of contrition becomes a poignant, sweet melody that makes shorter the soul's long journey to God. It invites the soul to make its approach to God's dwelling place until it finds its complete rest in Him.

A contrite soul is full of peace. As it grows in grace and perfection, contrition and humility flow out. Any perversion toward pride or vainglory makes it shudder as a musician shudders at a discordant note in a beautiful symphony.

+Matthew the Poor, from Orthodox Prayer Life, The Interior Way, Chapter 6 Contrition of the Spirit