You are distressed to find that whenever you now examine your conscience, you see yourself as bad; whereas formerly, when you were young, such examination showed you to be, on the whole, good rather than bad. What an extraordinary reason for distress!
It is infinitely better for us to see ourselves as bad than good. In the first case, we acquire humility, and find the door to forgiveness, the door to grace; in the second, we grow proud; and pride blocks the way to grace.
As to the real value of our deeds and actions, of that God alone is judge; He, who knows the most secret impulses of every human heart.
+St. Macarius of Optina, from Russian Letters of Direction, I Blessed are the Poor in Spirit; for Theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, 2. Self-Knowledge
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